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Title: If you want to kiss the sky
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis
Pairing: John/Rodney
Categories: AU, Drama, hints of romance, almost angst
Length: Medium (8,400 words)
Notice/Warnings: Asexuality, Dubcon

Author on LJ: siegeofangels
Author Website: Fic Masterlist (AO3)

Summary: "Look," McKay says, pushing John away firmly, "not that I don't love excessively masculine bonding activities as much as the next guy, but in case you hadn't noticed from the stylish blue panels on my jacket--" and he points both of his index fingers toward the jacket John's letting go of--"I'm a civilian. My involvement in your homoerotic military rituals begins and ends at target practice."

Review: I don't usually rec this kind of fic-- not because I dislike the topic at hand (on the contrary!), but because it tends to be too personal for me. I, myself, identify as asexual (or, more specifically, a panromantic asexual) and as such I relate heavily to John in this fanfic. Regardless of how you identify, I hope you give this fic a chance. It may not be for everyone (and all individuals seeking porn? Skip this fic!), but with any luck you'll enjoy it as hugely as I did.

Now this fic is AU, but only in a minor way. Instead of DADT (Don't Ask, Don't Tell) and the typical homophobia associated with the military, this universe is the exact opposite. Men in the military aren't just encouraged to sleep with each other, but they're almost expected to. Although I don't know the specifics, it appears that the leaders in the military are expected to sleep with as many of their men as they can as a method of bonding with their troops to create feelings of safety and togetherness. Those individuals that don't comply aren't considered to be a "team player" and only recently have the men even been allowed to marry while in the military-- the strict policy was once to never send fathers or husbands into battle.

In this fic, John is asexual-- though, he doesn't identify himself as such just as none of the men in the military (or anyone else in this universe, for that matter) identify as gay or straight (nor any other type of sexuality). They just are. John's long since accepted how the military runs and consents to sex every time he participates. Though he's not exactly happy about it, he does what needs to be done until he finally arrives at Atlantis and everything changes (for the better, though John is slow to see it as such).

Excerpt: "We're not dating," John says stupidly.

Rodney looks around pointedly, at the movie (a restaurant blows up on the screen, John notices, fish everywhere. Awesome), at the drink John's holding, at the dimmed lights and the way they're pressed up against each other on the bed. "I beg to differ," Rodney says.

"But," John says, "but, we're not, you haven't--" He flings a hand between them, gesturing, and wow, when did he start picking up Rodney's body language?

Now Rodney frowns. "I thought you weren't really interested."

"I'm not really interested," John says, "but--"

"But?" Rodney prompts him.

"But," John says, and stops, because none of this makes sense.

By now they should have been having sex and John should have been pretending to enjoy it. He's not doing that, though, not doing calculations in his head; instead, he lets himself be drawn back to recline against Rodney, an arm around his middle and a voice in his ear, saying, "You know, I do like parts of you that aren't your dick."

And lips press to his temple, and John says, "Oh."

And it would have been a really nice moment, except then Rodney says, "Now shut up, I want to watch Tom Cruise almost die," and John is forced to smack him.

If you want to kiss the sky (AO3); Deleted Scenes


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
Jan. 19th, 2012 04:58 am (UTC)
Oh, this comment is absolutely allowed! :) And, well, there aren't a lot of asexual fic in most fandoms-- especially fic that I feel actually get the gist of asexuality. I can list a few of the good ones I've bookmarked over the years, though:

Lost In Waiting, by Lacey McBain
[SGA, Mckay/Sheppard]
Summary: Rodney, because he’s Rodney, manages to sound offended that John didn’t tell him all his secrets. It’s the reason John’s still talking to him, the only reason he’s not on the other side of the room. He isn’t sure when a cranky scientist became the definition of comfort for him, but his life’s always been a little screwed up so he supposes this is just par for the course. “What was I supposed to say, Rodney? I’m a 38-year-old virgin who really hates being touched?”

True, by Farfalla
[Star Trek (TOS), Kirk/Spock]
Summary: "Give up--climax?" Spock looked at him, astonished. "Jim, I do not require you to relinquish your body's natural functions! I could no more ask you to stop consumption of food or air, and the resulting outcome would do me as little good and as much harm."

Asexual!Comment Fic, by Anonymous
[Star Trek, Kirk/Spock]
Summary: Kirk fucking loves sex. No, really, he does. Just, not in the way that everyone else seems to 'cause he's not so concerned with the whole physical thing. So he may pretend he's getting off on it, but that's all it is, a performance, put on for the benefit of someone else and fuck if he 'aint good at it.

And here are a few more asexual!fic recs (not mine) if you're interested. Some of them are m/m while others aren't.

And, if you're interested in reading still more, I suggest you watch BBC's Sherlock as I've heard that there's a HUGE majority of asexual m/m fic in that fandom (there's also a Asexual Fandom Community. :) I'd have headed on over to that fandom myself, but I've heard one too many rants/explanations from fellow asexuals about how people don't understand what asexuality actually entails and proceed to write fic "curing" Sherlock's asexuality like it's a disease. That pretty much ruins any desire I have to explore the fandom since that's personally offensive to me.

You could also check out AO3's asexuality tag and use the filters to weed out all of the fic that isn't m/m. :)

Please let me know if I've managed to help you out. Oh! And if you have any questions about Asexuality, please feel free to ask. :)

Edited at 2012-01-19 05:12 am (UTC)
(Deleted comment)
Jan. 20th, 2012 12:00 am (UTC)
Heh, you're very welcome (it was my pleasure! ♥). :)

Kirk/McCoy, eh? xD I've read a few of them (and they were cute!), but I tend to prefer most of my ships to have some friction/issues with each other to overcome (I love my angst!). I can't help it-- the first ship I was ever completely exposed to was Snape/Harry and I rarely come across many pairings with more dislike for one another (in a compelling way, at least) than that.

Haha! I can't say I'm an expert at asexuality either. All I can say is that I have more experience with it than most (literally!), but since there are so many aspects and different types of asexuality, I'm no where near an expert (though I'd like to think I can spot a bad assumption or stereotype when I see it-- you'd be surprised!). :)

Fascinating? Really? ♥ It feels good to be noticed every once in a while-- asexuality is usually so invisible (something that many ace's are perturbed by).

Anyway, I actually have an interesting article that mentions something like what you did about love (read the whole thing-- it has vague Star Trek references and it's written by and to people who aren't asexual to give you an idea of what it's like to be asexual!):

"Is sex truly the be-all and end-all of love? For a sexual, it is a key part of bonding, but is it the only possible expression of physical love? What of hugging, kissing, caressing lightly, snuggling, cuddling, and giving an arm in support? Is sex the only thing that cements a relationship? What of empathy, understanding, affection, patience, steadfastness, loyalty, honor, companionship, and shared wisdom?

If we forget so much else and define human relations by sex alone, then what does that say about us?"

Edited at 2012-01-20 12:00 am (UTC)
(Deleted comment)
Jan. 23rd, 2012 11:36 pm (UTC)
XD Really? See, I absolutely don't have that problem. Sometimes I suspect that I purposely seek to destroy my childhood the fandom way-- though, to be fair, I was IN slash fandom when I was 10 years old, so, it wasn't much of a stretch back then. xD

I'm glad you found it interesting! :) I thought that article (with the eyebrows) most aptly described asexuality. It's one of the first articles I recommend to people when they want to know what asexuality is like. :)
Jan. 26th, 2012 12:00 am (UTC)
If you would like to try some respectful fic in which Sherlock is asexual, I can recommend Horse and Carriage series and What Makes Us Rich series, both by flawedamythyst. Both series are Sherlock Holmes/John Watson in which Sherlock is asexual but not aromantic, and I really love seeing the navigate their relationship so that it's satisfying to both of them. The first story in What Makes Us Rich does involve sex, but Sherlock's asexuality isn't cured (nor seen as a thing to be cured).

Should disclaim that I am not asexual? :)
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )


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